15 December 2005

GOD I NEED HELP!! (a letter to my Shrink!)


ok.. yesterday u've heard the not-supposed-to-be-heard-to-anyone phone call... and a lil bit of my conversation between the girl that ive crushed on...

ok ... then.. everything went well.. meaning.. do things.. work... Parliament.. and so on..

ive forwarded ur Text Msg (the long one maa!) to her.. without expecting anything.. she din reply... so i go to sleep....

i woke up this morning and found out this

'Click' - the sound of my Text msg alert!- [yeah i find that fancy tones irritated and annoyying.]

"ur words buat i puzzled..confuse..deep n meaningful.."
.. (i din reply.. she could has used perplexed?!) then


"I thnk im feeling better now..malas nak pikir banyak2, esp ttg benda2 yg nobody knows the answer.. im just enjoying my life..hope u r too..hrp u ok, sihat,happy..ada problem kalu,seiya boley kasi tolong"



"Just nak betau, im leaving for pantai timur esok mlm.tganu kelantan, here we come..risau gak,long hours journey..mesti bosan.. :("

and off to work i go... without replying anything....

Yesterday.. before i went home i wrote this throgh her emel:

"that is a long pause! if onlly i could translate it back... but... unfortunately i dont have the ability to .. noo.. im sorry.. im just a silly boy

hey.. i guess this thing that i typed below would give any sense for what had happend.. i took an effort to type it. edit it... oh well.. here goes...

Intro : THIS is a scene from a old romantic movie, 'Notting Hill' Starring Hugh Grant as William Thacker and Julia Robert as Anna Scott.. Ryhs Ifans as Spike aka William's Roomate and Martin is William's Staff at the bookshop...... Now.. (drum roll pleasee!!) (the final chapter/scene from the movie!).. and i've got our sidang's List.. again.. Here goes:-


William enters -- and there stands Anna -- in a simple blue
skirt and top.



You disappeared.

Yes -- I'm sorry -- I had to leave... I didn't want to disturb you.

Well... how have you been?

Fine. Everything much the same. When they change the law Spike and I will marry immediately. Whereas you... I've watched in wonder. Awards, glory...

Oh no. It's all nonsense, believe me.
I had no idea how much nonsense it all was -- but nonsense it all is...

(she's nervous)

Well, yesterday was our last day filming and so I'm just off -- but I brought you this from home, and...
It's quite a big wrapped parcel, flat -- 3 foot by 4 foot, leaning against a bookshelf.

I thought I'd give it to you.

Thank you. Shall I...

No, don't open it yet -- I'll be embarrassed.

Okay -- well, thank you. I don't know what it's for. But thank you anyway.

I actually had it in my apartment in New York and just thought you'd... but, when it came to it, I didn't know how to call you... having behaved so... badly, twice. So it's been just sitting in the hotel. But then... you came, so I figured... the thing is... the thing is...

What's the thing?

Then the door pings. In walks the annoying customer, Mr. Smith.(he used to asks stupid questions unrelated to any craps that ol' book shop is telling) hehe... (Dian)

Don't even think about it. Go away immediately.

Mr. Smith is taken aback and therefore completely obedient.

Right. Sorry.

And he leaves.

You were saying...

Yes. The thing is... I have to go away today but I wondered, if I didn't, whether you might let me see you a bit... or, a lot maybe... see if you could...
like me again.

Pause as William takes this in.

But yesterday... that actor asked you who I was... and you just dismissed me out of hand... I heard -- you had a microphone... I had headphones.

(at another scene... William Follows Anna to one of Anna's Play where he heard the conversation thru headphones between Anna and the Protagonis) - (dian)

You expect me to tell the truth about my life to the most indiscreet man in England?

Martin edges up.

Excuse me -- it's your mother on the phone.

Can you tell her I'll ring her back.

I actually tried that tack -- but she said you said that before and it's been twenty-four hours, and her foot that was purple is now a sort of blackish

Okay -- perfect timing as ever -- hold the fort for a second will you, Martin?

Martin is left with Anna.

Can I just say, I thought 'Ghost' was a wonderful film.

Is that right?

Yes... I've always wondered what Patrick Swayze is like in real life.

I can't say I know Patrick all that well.

Oh dear. He wasn't friendly during the filming?

Well, no -- I'm sure he was friendly -- to Demi Moore (emphasise!) -- who acted with him in 'Ghost.'

She's kind in here, not sarcastic. (Dian)

Oh right. Right. Sorry. Always been a bit of an ass.

William returns a little uneasy.

Anyway... it's lovely to meet you. I'm a great fan of yours. And Demi's, of course.

Martin leaves them.

Sorry about that.

That's fine. There's always a pause when the jury goes out to consider its verdict.

She's awaiting an answer.

Anna. Look -- I'm a fairly level-headed bloke. Not often in and out of love. But...

He can't really express what he feels. and So do I (dian)

... can I just say 'no' to your kind request and leave it at that?

... Yes, that's fine. Of course. I...you know... of course... I'll just...be getting along then... nice to see you.

The truth is...

He feels he must explain.

... with you, I'm in real danger. It took like a perfect situation, apart from that foul temper of yours -- but my relatively inexperienced heart would,
I fear, not recover if I was once again ... cast aside, which I would absolutely expect to be. There are too many pictures of you everywhere, too
many films. You'd go and I'd be... well, buggered, basically.

I see.
That reality is a real 'no,' isn't it?

I live in Notting Hill. You live in Beverly Hills. Everyone in the world knows who you are. My mother has trouble remembering my name.

Okay. Fine. Fine. Good decision.


The fame thing isn't really real, you know. Don't forget -- I'm also just a girl. Standing in front of a boy....
Asking him to love her.

Pause. She kisses him on the cheek.


get it? If u know what i mean!!!?

the plain-worthless-bloke-who-thinks-he-is-damn-good-for-nothing me
Dian Nais"

and she replied... like this:

lately ni, awak banyak guna ayat2 yang really need me to digest it very well...
susah la saye macam ni..i might salah tafsir you know...
ntahle...saye pun tak tau...
nape awak takleh gunakan ayat terang2, straight to the point of what u really think, feel etc???
awak marah saye ke??awak bengang dengan saye ke??awak nyampah ke???awak sedih ke???awak happy ke???same jugak macam ape keputusan awak, saye tak dapat predict...awak tanak kawan lagi ape ke???nak forget je sume yang dah jadik ke???nak kawan macam biase ke???saye confius...
saye takut saye tak dapat ape yang awak harap saye dapat...
saye memang kurang biase dengan ayat2 dramatis, penuh expresion, perlu deep thinking and digestion...ntahle...memang saye suke bace ayat2 deep n meaningful ni, tapi untuk me'relate'kan die dengan situasi saye pade mase ni, saye agak kureng sikit..
harap awak faham...

ME? NEED HELP .. thanks
Over and out

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