23 December 2005

Farewell & Good Luck to U

ok.. today is my last day working for the year.. i will start my holiday by tomorrow...
and then

22 December 2005


This is WhiteCat..

and this is PandaDog...

Place. Hell. - Day Morning

WhiteCat : tapioca
PandaDog: hahahahhaha
PandaDog : WhiteCat.. if u found anything on life.. or u ever stumbled upon some written form of life facts... lexicons.. subtle and nuances for instance.. forward it to me.. thanks
PandaDog: look in ur emel
PandaDog: thanks
PandaDog : got meeting with puan Singa-Girl... c ya latter
PandaDog "D

2 hours later

PandaDog : r u there
PandaDog : r u there
WhiteCat: yup
WhiteCat :terkejut i
PandaDog: hi
PandaDog: i nak tanya u laa..
PandaDog: apa pendapat u terhadap my immediate boss
WhiteCat : who?
WhiteCat : cik D
WhiteCat : she's ok wat
PandaDog: ok ..
PandaDog: ok??
PandaDog: takpe lah
PandaDog: never mind
WhiteCat : tapi i dun think i click with her dat much
WhiteCat: she's ok wat
PandaDog: thanks
WhiteCat: its not dat i dun agree with her on many things
WhiteCat: its just dat.. well, give her some slack.. she's not married, and yet she's not getting younger, and she's not the type who "mingles socially"
WhiteCat: y?
PandaDog: i always got the blame upon her work..
WhiteCat: y?
PandaDog: seolah2 dia nak escape the work.. i dont know
PandaDog: im new perhaps
PandaDog: and i dont really understand how the culture of working here goes...
PandaDog: in fact i think i kinda understand why our SINGA-MAN becomes so Grumpy
WhiteCat: well
WhiteCat: maybe u still haven't got the hang of it
PandaDog: i dont know, maybe......
WhiteCat: dun get me wrong, but HELL's working culture is a bit different.
PandaDog: seems like im doing blunder.. and mistakes a lot..
WhiteCat: i myself didn’t quite got used to it the first two months
PandaDog: i dont know and confused between right and wrong.
WhiteCat: u just have to learn to adapt tho. it takes hard work adapting to a new environment
WhiteCat: takpelah
WhiteCat: dun think so much
WhiteCat: ur going off 4ur DPA later
PandaDog: usually it is not as hard as this
PandaDog: yeah
PandaDog: hey, d'ya know what...tomorrow should be my last day of working
WhiteCat: after dpa then get a re-think
PandaDog: re-think?? whaddaya mean?
PandaDog: do i have any CHOICE?
WhiteCat: re-think meaning tukar division ke
WhiteCat: yes, my friend. u do have a choice
WhiteCat: it's just whether ur actually gonna get it or not
WhiteCat: heheh
WhiteCat: and also on how hard you've worked at getting that other choice
PandaDog: i feel like im stucked in a box
PandaDog: how hard of getting that choice.. hmmmm
PandaDog: and how do i channel my appeal ??
PandaDog: feels like im unimportant... insignificant..... worthless.. "melukut ditepi gantang!" PandaDog: if u know what i mean
WhiteCat: dun think of it now la.
WhiteCat: u can find out more after dpa.
WhiteCat: bkn i tak nak bgtau u how
PandaDog: i dont expect for limelite or red carpets.. or any trophy.. i just want to make sure either things of what im doing at the moment is right or wrong.
WhiteCat: even if you go direct to pengarah tak semestinya dapat
PandaDog: yeah i know
WhiteCat: ok now?
WhiteCat: i bought myself a book yesterday
WhiteCat: but none of them chic lits
WhiteCat: "The Little Book of Scientific Principles, Theories and Things"
WhiteCat: Loved it the first time I laid eyes on it
PandaDog: wow. that sounds really cool!
PandaDog: Dale Carnegie’s will never bore me. .. ;D
WhiteCat: Mahal wo... RM38.. Isy.. tutup mata je lah
WhiteCat: i got one on Dale Darnegie
PandaDog: Mitch Albom also do too... i love his "Tuesdays with Morrie" and “Five People You’ll Met in heaven”
WhiteCat: still havent finished reading it yet
PandaDog: Billy Lim's Dare to Fail is also Intersting..
WhiteCat: Mitch Albom - dunno, but read blurbs on those books. yep.. interesting
PandaDog: i used to read Lillian Too's Feng Shui.. and found out more craps than facts .. Superstitious freak
WhiteCat: D2F.. okay gak.. really inspiring
PandaDog: yerp
PandaDog: I dare... i fail.. yet ... i make an outcome.. (more failure..)
WhiteCat: "ur tenant are ur jewels".. by some chinese lady.. quite an interesting read. book so expensive lorr.. wat masa ni tak dpt beli laa..
WhiteCat: i hate lilian too
WhiteCat: i know
WhiteCat: i dun believe in it
PandaDog: "ur tenant are ur jewels" <-- u r the second one who recommend this book.. WhiteCat: i wanna be a property owner one day WhiteCat: meaning, i wanna make ma own dosh dat way WhiteCat: PandaDog: "ur tenant are ur jewels" <-- u r the second one who recommend this book.. >>> REALLY? TAK SANGKA LAH PULAK!
PandaDog: yeah..
PandaDog: “unsangkarable” things do happens.. S**t Happens too...
WhiteCat: unsangkarable?? -- >> LOL WhiteCat: S**t Happens too --- >> You 'think' so?
PandaDog: i do clean my FOXHOLES every morning..
PandaDog: i dah kena palitannye dis morning
WhiteCat: PandaDog: i do clean my FOXHOLES every morning.. >>> huh?
WhiteCat: PandaDog: i dah kena palitannye dis morning double huh?
PandaDog: yeah.. if u know what i mean ..
WhiteCat: haha
WhiteCat: tak pahamlah PandaDog
PandaDog: tak pe takpe...
PandaDog: i pun tak faham
WhiteCat: bagilah paham
WhiteCat: hahaha... lawaklah u
PandaDog: [Change of topic] saw Sad this morning.. well .. as usual.. that the only thing that give new meaning at this HELL... while others?.. Demeaning and Irritating... not to forget... we have our 'Singa'.. ready with mouth wide open to chew ur head..
PandaDog: at (x)th floor..
PandaDog: nyaris i kena.. at least i ve escaped half headed....
WhiteCat: singa?
WhiteCat: hehe
WhiteCat: jahat u
PandaDog: the other half got chewed.. and i am badly severed .. emotionally WhiteCat: how chewed is chewed?
PandaDog: i dont know.. but im now monocular
PandaDog: instead of binocular
PandaDog: ahhahahahhaahhahahh
PandaDog: if u know what i mean.....
WhiteCat: "A slice of toast sliding off a plate or table has a natural tendency of landing butter side down"
WhiteCat: if u know wat i mean
PandaDog: i dont know what u mean... but i really want mine with icing!!
WhiteCat: wait, 2mrw is ur last day?
PandaDog: yes it is my dear
WhiteCat: emm..

[Tipical Malaysians.. on Money]

WhiteCat: i hate my landlord
WhiteCat: she is such a friggin cow!!! aaarrgghhh..! the devil in her!
WhiteCat: sorry, but i just had to say it out loud
PandaDog: emm i ve posted new "thing" at my blog.. u should read.. damn i feel good again
WhiteCat: y'know wat? i can say mean things to stupid things at immature grown ups
PandaDog: really?
PandaDog: i thnk it is pretty kind o cool
WhiteCat: like for her, i can easily say she must be deprived of shags cuz she's been behaving very badly and so menuduh membabi buta
WhiteCat: i know gurls, espesh yg bertudung shouldnt be saying mean things like dat
PandaDog: emm.. that shuld have appen...
WhiteCat: but if they deserve it, then so be it
PandaDog: who could have stopped "chicken's- Farting-arses" (if u know what i mean!) from farting aye mate? WhiteCat: ya lorr. WhiteCat: WhiteGoateiGuyFrSwk hates it whenever i say things like dat,. i dun blame him cuz i myself dun like saying it
WhiteCat: anyway, wats ur blog?
WhiteCat: i thot u deleted it
PandaDog: my new blog
PandaDog: blooddy bugger
WhiteCat: ok. its ending december. and she's hounding me pasal sewa rumah.
WhiteCat: and she went, 'if ct tak byr sewa umah, then makcik mintak ct cari umah lain bln depan.."
WhiteCat: f*ck her the social discriminator..!
PandaDog: yeahh yeahh.. that is tipikal malaysian..if it is money concern everything become soooo important.. even sex is dulll at that moment..
PandaDog: soo malaysian sooooo malaysian
WhiteCat: padahal i dah bayar awal bulan tau! and i told her that i've paid, i cant believe it that she just friggin accused me of not paying it and then had the nerve to ask me to find a new place
WhiteCat: as if her place is the "place to be in"
PandaDog: did u have any receipt..?
PandaDog: u should have one if it means proof of payment then?
WhiteCat: she shud be embarrased to have THAT bloody shack as her house
WhiteCat: yeah..
WhiteCat: i'll shove it up her stinky arse the moment i see her
PandaDog: atta gal .. go get it
WhiteCat: she'd done similar things b4, and i buat xtau jer
PandaDog: Tapiocaa tapiocaa
PandaDog: why dont u try to look for a new place?
WhiteCat: and wats pathetic? the silly woman is anti sabahan
WhiteCat: the hell with her
WhiteCat: PandaDog: Tapiocaa tapiocaa >> haha
PandaDog: i see
PandaDog: easy there girl
WhiteCat: i am trying to look for a new place
WhiteCat: since a month ago
WhiteCat: but still havent got a place
PandaDog: emm
PandaDog: what about NiceGirlFromSwk?
PandaDog: have u asked her? Afterall u quite “rapat” with her
WhiteCat: and the rent is only RM150 [dah kira mahal for a shoddy place like hers] and even the monthly maintenance is RM50
WhiteCat: usually landlord byr. but in her case, its us
WhiteCat: she is so stingy.. omg, PandaDog
PandaDog: hmm..
WhiteCat: i could go on and on and on saying mean things abt mean and discriminating and ridiculous and impossible ppl
WhiteCat: so lets change the topic
PandaDog: never mind.. i love it
WhiteCat: haha.. my temper pun tak leh dilayan sgt.. so inappropriate of me
WhiteCat: hahahah
PandaDog: im thinking of putting what we re saying here in my blog if u dont mind
WhiteCat: my dad, who imam's quite often at the local mosque at my place, wud be very crossed whenever i start to say ugly things to mean ppl. .....

the conversation ends here due to lunch hours came.. we went out.. but all of this interesting bilateral thing... fades away.. as im so busy .. eating..and laughing...

P/S: "Black... im so sorry u couldnt got your Leave Approved.... Shove the application all back to Mr.Kap Lam's Ass up buddy... by then.. he should've understand the importance of leave.... Payback dude .....payback.."

Listen to me pleaseeeeee!!!!!

ok.. ok.. enough with all those nice talk.. sweet and romantic pardon... dont forget to take ur funky fake smile too with u... and ur full furnished crap that u r trying to show it to the world.. seriously..i dont give a full-f***g-d**n s**t about what people are saying about u..

So, i dont 'clicked' with u often.. and as a rookie/newbie/freshie/good-to-be-blame to-officer/scapegoat/black stool/sucker/bozo.. [pick what ur favorite, ladies and gentlemen].. i've messed up my work.. a ha.. i do make a blunder... i try to become a copycat of what good and what not.. yes i dont have my own cool looks.. im not John Wayne..i always feel inferior... i ve a blabber tounge.. and im not tough either....... but...... i just want to warn u that i have my own stand.. i stand on my own feet.. i dont really need u... i can do it by my own.. i dont have to report to u.. if u have been sooo anticipated in ur work.... stop procrastinating... stop whining.. get ur engine on.. and give out the most outstanding kick start... cross the finish line with beautiful front page shot..and start on new race, be better...... do UR JOB Properly......and somewhat ... finish it!!!

u know what.. (WTF)..... i dont really know what u had done in those past years of yours, in ur service line.. but...if u kept on pushing it, in a very good way.. u would have gone further.. maybe reaches out the sky... and not to be stucked in this HELL....Stop bugging me..and try not to snoop on my movement again .. MANNERS!!! Man,I am really hoping .. u'll always clean ur plate before u hand it out to other people.. Oh.. maybe u have not heard words like "HOMEWORK and COMMUNICATION"?.. does the sound of those words ring ur sense's Bell?..come onn... if u do.. u should have acted better .. Then, all the other counterparts wont try to pull ur 'DICK' again.. therefore, world will be a better place to fit in... Well.. im trying to make a living here dude! Try to be considerate-Lah!! Ok?

this is words that i want to spill out to my immediate boss.. but.. with all the protocols.. manners and.. somewhat i dont have the guts.. in fact, im still rationale, still have my legs and arms intact to my body.those are the words which appeared to me apparently after i got scolded by Senior Director in the previous meeting.. am i too Straight forward? What are the irrelevancies which should not be included in the SPEECH...? What!? What!? What?...

Ego and where u are that is the thing.... well.. my humbleself is being stomped and chewed alive.. in front of all the people.. at the meeting.. my confidences is being thrown from the seat through out the window .. amidst of the blunder i've made... tried.. but.. always being cut off.. and i mean it.. cut oooofffff..... they dont listen.. they just jumped into conclusion and there u are. left alone, shrinked out and felt like your brain is at the size of a raisin.. all ur capabilities being downsized in right in front of your very own ego.. that is it.. Downsizing is what the bosses are capable of!

They were moulded into the figure of a TITAN... Big Mouth and teeth. scally skins with horns and and 4 wings.. hovering up above the sky waiting to strike down and strangled or even chew on their prey.. [which is me.. the rookie...]flesh and blood. rawly... which again, makes them look very good. feels very good. But, from the prey's point of view, the bad thing is.. no one is there to protect u..not only that, they even... tie u up.. and usher u to the 'Beast'... u cant scream, u cant move, u cant even breath.. what u can do is just to accept Fully of what u be put at and later u'll grow up to become the 'Beast' yourself.... wait till u really grow up...
really really grow up..

15 December 2005

GOD I NEED HELP!! (a letter to my Shrink!)


ok.. yesterday u've heard the not-supposed-to-be-heard-to-anyone phone call... and a lil bit of my conversation between the girl that ive crushed on...

ok ... then.. everything went well.. meaning.. do things.. work... Parliament.. and so on..

ive forwarded ur Text Msg (the long one maa!) to her.. without expecting anything.. she din reply... so i go to sleep....

i woke up this morning and found out this

'Click' - the sound of my Text msg alert!- [yeah i find that fancy tones irritated and annoyying.]

"ur words buat i puzzled..confuse..deep n meaningful.."
.. (i din reply.. she could has used perplexed?!) then


"I thnk im feeling better now..malas nak pikir banyak2, esp ttg benda2 yg nobody knows the answer.. im just enjoying my life..hope u r too..hrp u ok, sihat,happy..ada problem kalu,seiya boley kasi tolong"



"Just nak betau, im leaving for pantai timur esok mlm.tganu kelantan, here we come..risau gak,long hours journey..mesti bosan.. :("

and off to work i go... without replying anything....

Yesterday.. before i went home i wrote this throgh her emel:

"that is a long pause! if onlly i could translate it back... but... unfortunately i dont have the ability to .. noo.. im sorry.. im just a silly boy

hey.. i guess this thing that i typed below would give any sense for what had happend.. i took an effort to type it. edit it... oh well.. here goes...

Intro : THIS is a scene from a old romantic movie, 'Notting Hill' Starring Hugh Grant as William Thacker and Julia Robert as Anna Scott.. Ryhs Ifans as Spike aka William's Roomate and Martin is William's Staff at the bookshop...... Now.. (drum roll pleasee!!) (the final chapter/scene from the movie!).. and i've got our sidang's List.. again.. Here goes:-


William enters -- and there stands Anna -- in a simple blue
skirt and top.



You disappeared.

Yes -- I'm sorry -- I had to leave... I didn't want to disturb you.

Well... how have you been?

Fine. Everything much the same. When they change the law Spike and I will marry immediately. Whereas you... I've watched in wonder. Awards, glory...

Oh no. It's all nonsense, believe me.
I had no idea how much nonsense it all was -- but nonsense it all is...

(she's nervous)

Well, yesterday was our last day filming and so I'm just off -- but I brought you this from home, and...
It's quite a big wrapped parcel, flat -- 3 foot by 4 foot, leaning against a bookshelf.

I thought I'd give it to you.

Thank you. Shall I...

No, don't open it yet -- I'll be embarrassed.

Okay -- well, thank you. I don't know what it's for. But thank you anyway.

I actually had it in my apartment in New York and just thought you'd... but, when it came to it, I didn't know how to call you... having behaved so... badly, twice. So it's been just sitting in the hotel. But then... you came, so I figured... the thing is... the thing is...

What's the thing?

Then the door pings. In walks the annoying customer, Mr. Smith.(he used to asks stupid questions unrelated to any craps that ol' book shop is telling) hehe... (Dian)

Don't even think about it. Go away immediately.

Mr. Smith is taken aback and therefore completely obedient.

Right. Sorry.

And he leaves.

You were saying...

Yes. The thing is... I have to go away today but I wondered, if I didn't, whether you might let me see you a bit... or, a lot maybe... see if you could...
like me again.

Pause as William takes this in.

But yesterday... that actor asked you who I was... and you just dismissed me out of hand... I heard -- you had a microphone... I had headphones.

(at another scene... William Follows Anna to one of Anna's Play where he heard the conversation thru headphones between Anna and the Protagonis) - (dian)

You expect me to tell the truth about my life to the most indiscreet man in England?

Martin edges up.

Excuse me -- it's your mother on the phone.

Can you tell her I'll ring her back.

I actually tried that tack -- but she said you said that before and it's been twenty-four hours, and her foot that was purple is now a sort of blackish

Okay -- perfect timing as ever -- hold the fort for a second will you, Martin?

Martin is left with Anna.

Can I just say, I thought 'Ghost' was a wonderful film.

Is that right?

Yes... I've always wondered what Patrick Swayze is like in real life.

I can't say I know Patrick all that well.

Oh dear. He wasn't friendly during the filming?

Well, no -- I'm sure he was friendly -- to Demi Moore (emphasise!) -- who acted with him in 'Ghost.'

She's kind in here, not sarcastic. (Dian)

Oh right. Right. Sorry. Always been a bit of an ass.

William returns a little uneasy.

Anyway... it's lovely to meet you. I'm a great fan of yours. And Demi's, of course.

Martin leaves them.

Sorry about that.

That's fine. There's always a pause when the jury goes out to consider its verdict.

She's awaiting an answer.

Anna. Look -- I'm a fairly level-headed bloke. Not often in and out of love. But...

He can't really express what he feels. and So do I (dian)

... can I just say 'no' to your kind request and leave it at that?

... Yes, that's fine. Of course. I...you know... of course... I'll just...be getting along then... nice to see you.

The truth is...

He feels he must explain.

... with you, I'm in real danger. It took like a perfect situation, apart from that foul temper of yours -- but my relatively inexperienced heart would,
I fear, not recover if I was once again ... cast aside, which I would absolutely expect to be. There are too many pictures of you everywhere, too
many films. You'd go and I'd be... well, buggered, basically.

I see.
That reality is a real 'no,' isn't it?

I live in Notting Hill. You live in Beverly Hills. Everyone in the world knows who you are. My mother has trouble remembering my name.

Okay. Fine. Fine. Good decision.


The fame thing isn't really real, you know. Don't forget -- I'm also just a girl. Standing in front of a boy....
Asking him to love her.

Pause. She kisses him on the cheek.


get it? If u know what i mean!!!?

the plain-worthless-bloke-who-thinks-he-is-damn-good-for-nothing me
Dian Nais"

and she replied... like this:

lately ni, awak banyak guna ayat2 yang really need me to digest it very well...
susah la saye macam ni..i might salah tafsir you know...
ntahle...saye pun tak tau...
nape awak takleh gunakan ayat terang2, straight to the point of what u really think, feel etc???
awak marah saye ke??awak bengang dengan saye ke??awak nyampah ke???awak sedih ke???awak happy ke???same jugak macam ape keputusan awak, saye tak dapat predict...awak tanak kawan lagi ape ke???nak forget je sume yang dah jadik ke???nak kawan macam biase ke???saye confius...
saye takut saye tak dapat ape yang awak harap saye dapat...
saye memang kurang biase dengan ayat2 dramatis, penuh expresion, perlu deep thinking and digestion...ntahle...memang saye suke bace ayat2 deep n meaningful ni, tapi untuk me'relate'kan die dengan situasi saye pade mase ni, saye agak kureng sikit..
harap awak faham...

ME? NEED HELP .. thanks
Over and out

6 December 2005


What is maturity?? When will a person reaches out his maturity?? What do it need to be 'label' as matured?

THESE are the points and questions that wandered and keeps on hovering inside my latent mind... As a human being, and with the profession that i am sitting at the time being, i kept asking my self how to be matured.

Why do I need to be matured?
it is a thing that i really need in order for me to be appreciated. To be knowned and more over, to be respected, to be listened, to be significant. But the way I am being treated is at the other side. I am being left over, pushed aside, brushed off, considered as malevolent and seems it is as irrevocably predestined.

In a world which is full of Testosteron governance. U need to be a polyglot. Multi-tasked and fully indemnified. The substance that can only verify u to become a champion of all tally, is Maturity. That is the most indisputable and undeniable truth up to today.

Again, why? The answer lies in the fortified Maturity level that we need to acquire to live up to the par. For the purpose, we have to optimize our ability (as in mine, now,at the minimum level)to achieve the dream. Therefore, the bad feeling.. the omen, the jinx, being left out, and again.. again.. and again... being underestimated... and always becoming the last resort upon everything..

Who to blame?
No one.. because it will back-fired again to us!

How to increase it? How to get it? Perhaps Father Nature will tell...

1 December 2005


Hi.. all.
aku nak citer pasal diri aku.. pejalanan hdup aku.. aku nak jadik seorang insan yang tak tipikal.. tapi nampaknya aku masih lagi berada dalam lingkungan ke-tipikal-an seorang manusia..
skang kalu ikut jam tangan aku pakai... dah menunjukkan pukul doblas lima minit tengahari..(12:05 noon).. perut aku dah lapa... padahal aku dah makan breakfast..

Masa ujung minggu aritu start (26 November) sampai (29 November) 2005... berlangsung satu mesyuarat diperingkat menteri-menteri perdagangan ASEAN... mesyuarat tu dah siri ke 7... (7TH ASEAN-Mekong Basin Development Cooperation, AMBDC).... aku telah ditugaskan oleh Ministry of International Trade and Industry, Malaysia, MITI (aku pegawai kat sini la).... untuk menjadi seorang pegawai perhubungan (Liason Officer, LO)... kepada Delegate atau perwakilan negara-negara anggota.... keja aku senang jer sebenarnya.. nak kena layan kehendak perwakilan tu lah.. so, kira kata aku kena duty 24 jam... hak hak hak... letih kan?

walau bagaimana pun, kena buat kerana itu adalah arahan negara kan?.. ..

Mesyuarat tu berlangsung di Hotel Mandarin Oriental Kuala LUmpur... dan aku pulak ditugaskan sebagai LO untuk negara The Philipines..
wakil negara itu adalah Mr. Luis D. Cruz, Charge D'Affaires dan pembantu dia Mr. Antonio D. Morales, Minister and Consul, Embassy of The Phillipines...... mudah citer.. Alhamdulillah.. berjaya menyelesaikan tugas tu.... ..
negara-negara lain yang menghantar wakil adalah negara Vietnam, Laos PDR, Thailand, China, Korea, Japan, Asean Development Bank, United Nations Development Programme, Cambodia, Singapore, Indonesia, Malaysia, Myanmar, Brunei and Asean Secretariat.....

some of the pictures taken i'll share with u guys... bye